What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
