How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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