hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
