life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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