i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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