Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
zippers are such a cool invention
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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