I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
