when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
