my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
