If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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