Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
