"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
