Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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