people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
