I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
