So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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