tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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