Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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