i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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