I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
