Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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