Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
