Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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