Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
