so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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