is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
