Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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