I faked an abortion last night.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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