Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
