Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
