He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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