i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
