I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
