I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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