we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
