I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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