is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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