This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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