remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
