um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
