All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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