margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My nipple is on Facebook.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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