this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
