if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
