I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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