In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
