So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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