just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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