She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
