That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
birth control should be required to get into college
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
