She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
