so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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