You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
