you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
