he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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