Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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