how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
