Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize