I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
