I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
