I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
