god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
