JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The best revenge is premature balding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
