her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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