There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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