I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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