Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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