That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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