dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
