And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize