It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
