actually, I'm a sock model
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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