no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
