Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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