You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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