Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
