last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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