69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
