They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
