I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
