i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
