Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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